Warning label

You know, I don't think the government is properly labeling all the products we consume. If they were, then this little package would have come with a label that read this way...WARNING: I come with a big heart, and lots of capacity to love. Be prepared for the following physical changes: your heart will swell with love, you will begin to talk in baby talk, and your hand will constantly be in the stroke position. There are absolutely no refunds, you may not return me to the lonely street where you found me. But I have a life-time warranty to love and be loved in return. My name is Bandit, but I answer to pookey, beautiful girl, princess, or any other endearments you wish to bestow on me.